AMAZINGLY COOL...

My book arrived today...!! It is so incredibly exciting to hold it in my hand, flip open the pages, read my words. My words. Jeez, I think I'm having a heart attack.  Wait a minute while I catch my breath...

I've already found a few errors (one in particular on the back cover), but that's why this is the Proof Copy and not the real finished one.  Still, it's pretty real to me.

Here's the cover --

And here's the back --

(If you click on the pictures, you can read the words)

Isn't it totally cool how the shield on the front is a blow-up graphic on the back...?? Holy Crap, what a big deal this is for me. I'm going to sit down over the weekend and read it as if it's just a book I picked up at the bookstore. I hope it's a good story.  

Okay, feeling lightheaded now...must take more deep breaths and try to relax before I keel over and ruin my buzz.

Doom and Gloom

Remember that astoundingly stupid New Year's thing I posted..?? Be positive, look for the happy, blah, blah, effing blah..?? All I can say is: good thing I'm not writing self-help books. I think one of my phrases was "avoid the joy-sucking moments" though how you're supposed to do that isn't clear to me today. 

For a year we've been planning a garage sale. It was supposed to be last June, but Alan had to go to the States for his visa thing, so we postponed it. Now that the house has sold, and we have 6 weeks to get out of Dodge, it's time for the sale. We tried to put an ad in the newspaper, but when the ad person thought we were trying to sell our garage--they aren't familiar with the garage sale concept in Scotland, though I hear that closer to London it's not uncommon--we changed our minds and made flyers that we distributed all over the neighborhood instead. 

And another thing...it has barely rained this Winter/Spring. It's been unbearably cold and windy, but not much rain. Are you sensing the scenario that is coming..?? 

Yesterday we get the whole frigging driveway filled up--and thank goodness the Cramond Kirk let us borrow some long tables because Alan has more crap stuff than sense--and we opened the gate at Noon. The weather was pretty good, with some warm sunshine for most of the afternoon.  Too bad we didn't get more than 10 people. Seems that down the street at another Kirk, they were having their annual car boot sale--the Scottish version of a garage sale--but we would have needed a truck to take all the crap stuff down there. We sold some things, but the big day was going to be Sunday as we would not be competing with anyone else.  At 4:00pm we covered all the tables with tarps to protect things overnight. 

I get up this morning to this loud drumming noise. WTF..?? I look outside...into a torrential downpour; the sound is the deluge of water striking the tarps. It's raining so hard Ozzy refuses to go on his walk. Some of the tarps are waterproof, others aren't. I see on my Yahoo weather that today is to be dreadful, but hey, tomorrow (Monday) is to be 60* and sunny. It doesn't get to 60* in Edinburgh in bloody August.   What are the odds..??  Besides not writing self-help books, it's a good thing I don't gamble.  I also don't drink much (well...except Prosecco.  And Corona with lime when we have pizza), though I might be increasing my intake on both soon.

So. How do you counter the joy-sucking moments? Buggers if I know.  Philosophically, I'm going with Lil Jon right now...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...!!!

Pop the cork out of the Prosecco !!!!

I have totally, completely, absolutely finished the book. OMG, is that a miracle, or what? 

After an agonizing 5 days of correcting the effing mistakes, thanks to my writing program (see previous ranting post), and discovering halfway through the editing ordeal that Spell Check had decided--without my knowledge or consent--to change all my its to it's (oh, the humanity), I fixed the last error at midnight on Monday.
 
The whole book writing process took me 5-1/2 months (though not working every day, and not full days when I did work), and ended up at 479 pages, with 163,675 words. I'm not sure how the word count grew because I had it down to 159K at one point, but once I formatted the book to fit the paperback 5" x 8" configuration, changed the margins, etc., the page number and word count mysteriously changed. I understand the page number part, but the words..?? Clueless. Maybe when I get the book back I'll find some glaring blunder like duplicated chapters or something. I'm sure Works has a last "bend over" waiting for me.  I don't even care anymore. IT'S DONE..!!!

So, this morning I downloaded the pdf files for the interior (the text), and the book cover. I cut/pasted the cover from my CreateSpace page, but unfortunately the graphic is only about a 1/4"...hence the blurry book flat above. Nuts. I was hoping the back cover text could be read, but unless you have non-human sight, it's not readable. Still, it looks really cool, if I do say so myself. And yes, that's my design (from a CreateSpace template). The shield on the cover is exactly what the book is about and I couldn't be happier. Maybe I should give up writing and just make book covers..!!

One last exhilarating thing, (besides finishing the book), and one of the greatest things imaginable for me--as a reader, writer, ex-editor and assistant bookstore manager--is getting my very own official ISBN number. It makes my book real, and amazing.  And mine.  Sigh.  Happy Birthday Book...!!!

Acronyms and Angst

If the F-word offends, just ignore it in the following blog rant. I will use acronyms instead, though the meaning will come through loud and clear. (If you're curious about the definitions, they're explained at the bottom of the post).

I was finished with The Book on Wednesday, all rewrites and editing done. Yahoo. I had planned on spending Thursday and Friday changing the format into a pdf file, fiddling with an artsy cover, then sending it all to CreateSpace for my printed copy. I did one last scan on the computer and noticed a page had quotation marks that weren't in Times New Roman as they should have been.

How curious. 

Zooming the page to 200% for a closer look, I discovered that half the quotes were okay, but half had changed into a different font altogether. And not just on this one page but throughout the entire flaming book. For no apparent reason. Indiscriminately. Randomly. In some places, the quotation mark at the start of the sentence was different at the end. WTF..???

--Pause for screaming, gnashing of teeth and hair pulling--

I have now spent the last three days painstakingly--line by line--going through the entire book, changing every oddball quotation mark and apostrophe back to Times New Roman. I tried every trick I know to do this in one fell swoop, but of course, that would be too frigging easy. Let me just go on record here: NEVER use Microsoft Works for something this important. Ever. Hell will freeze over and Satan will be ice skating before I will go through this agony again.

To the acronyms. My book is FUBAR'd, a Charlie Foxtrot of epic proportions. I suppose I should just consider this a SNAFU and not look for reasons the Universe is telling me to BOHICA. I'm nearly finished with all the changes and have only been set back a week. All I can do now is say OSIJCO.

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This morning on Ozzy's hike, I took a few photos because it's a gloriously beautiful day in Edinburgh. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, the daffodils are blooming. Below are two pictures, one of the boats at low tide on the Almond River, and one from the Manse (where the vicar lives) with the daffs growing out of the grass, and the Kirk in the background.

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This is where you stop reading if you don't want to know the definitions to the above acronyms. Look at the lovely photos instead and imagine the world is full of sweetness and light, not Satanic writing programs.

WTF: What The F***
FUBAR: F***ed Up Beyond All Recognition
Charlie Foxtrot: Cluster F***
SNAFU: Situation Normal All F***ed Up
BOHICA: Bend Over Here It Comes Again
OSIJCO: Oh Sod It Just Carry On

Happy Easter...

Whether you celebrate in church, hunt for Easter eggs and chocolate bunnies, or just sit in your garden and enjoy the beauty of Spring...have a great day.